I ain’t got no…

…motivation. Global warming is real, folks. It’s sucked every last drop of energy from me.  This summer more than any before has rendered me a melted blob of ugh. How are we supposed to survive in this world where we need to wear a dehumidifier mask every time we venture outside, and the very real risk of heat stroke exists just for opening the door for the UPS delivery man (who must be some sort of android)?  

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In my free time, I google ways to keep cool instead of watching TV. Right now, I’m eyeball-deep in researching ways to integrate a Peltier cooler into my undershorts. I have thermometers around me everywhere so I can monitor how close I am to vaporizing at any time. My dreams at night are about British Columbia or some other northern location to escape the molten soup we move through and breathe in daily here in the South.

 

If you need me and can’t find me, you probably won’t. The most likely scenario is that I’ve spontaneously combusted and donated what carbon there is left in my body that I haven’t already sweated out to further exacerbate the global warming crisis.

 

Praise the Lord, and pass the ice cream…

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